


Now that’s Cricket! Or Cricket- As explained to a Foreigner

by MrsAlot



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: I'm not making this up, Malcolm being a bit of a clever dick, actual rules of Cricket, i got this explanation from a book, just a silly thing i thought of, meant to be funny, poor yanks don't get it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:55:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21572983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsAlot/pseuds/MrsAlot
Summary: Sports are sometimes hard to understand. all the rules and stuff...cricket is especially confusing to non native people who've not grown up with it...perhaps Malcolm can shed some light on the subject and educate his fellow cremates?
Relationships: just friendship - Relationship
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	Now that’s Cricket! Or Cricket- As explained to a Foreigner

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this thing floating around in my computer for donkeys years and finely decided it was time to just Finnish it and post it.
> 
> meant to be humorous... :shrugs: i'll leave that up to you...

It was late evening and a few of the command crew were relaxing in the mess hall, enjoying a late supper and each other’s company. Topics had chopped and changed throughout the meal and now they were on the subject of sports, or more accurately, which sports they just didn’t understand.

Trip had just confessed that even though the captain had been a long time friend… he had no idea what water polo was about. Travis was just as clueless when it came to Baseball and for the life of him, didn’t understand how anyone could enjoy golf. Hoshi was utterly dumbfounded by Curling, how the hell could sweeping be a sport?! T’pol was quietly just observing the group discussion as she ate. But it wasn’t till Pholx asked something of the group did the chat take an interesting turn. 

“If I may interject, there is one human sport I have seen that I just couldn’t quite grasp the rules for.” He admitted.  
“Oh yeah? Which one Doc?” Trip asked as he shovelled a mouth full of pie into is face.  
“I believe it was called… Cricket.” The two male humans let out a low grown in unison.  
“Don’t worry, Yer not the only one Doc.”

“Hay! I used to watch Cricket all the time!” Hoshi said with a smile.  
“Yeah… but did you understand it?” Travis asked. There was a pause.  
“Well… no… not really…” The linguist admitted sheepishly. “But it was still fun to watch.”  
“I tried listening to a match once… nothing happened!” the boomer exclaimed. “The commentators just talked about random stuff! They spoke for like, 20 minutes about a cake they had in the box before someone apparently did something on the field to make the crowed clap!”

“Man, ah don’t know if it’s a cricket thing or a British thing. But ah think you gotta know what a crumpet is ter understand cricket!” Trip said with a shake of his golden head.  
“Ah! Well here comes someone that maybe can help us then.” Hoshi smiled as the Enterprises resident Englishman entered the mess hall. “MALCOLM!” She called brightly and when he looked over she beckoned him over to the group. He gave them a small smile and once he retrieved his drink form the dispenser, made his way over to the small group of senior officers.

“lutennet pull up a chair! Join us” Phlox offered jovially.  
“Oh I can’t stay. I have to get back to the Armoury, but thank you for the invitation.” He said charmingly.  
“Well, perhaps you can help us out with something before you go?” Hoshi asked sweetly.  
“Certainly. How can I be of assistance?” the brunette, mentally preparing himself for anything the group my hit him with.

“Cricket.” Travis said simply. There was a quiet pause. Malcolm frowned in confusion.  
“Cricket?” He repeated with a questioning tone.  
“Yeah, you know the game?” Trip asked. Malcolm gave the commander a look that translated into ‘Are you trying to be funny?’  
“Yes. I know the game.” The gunner said slowly “what about it?  
“Do you like it?” Phlox asked curiously.  
“Cricket is a fine game. I used to play it when I was at collage.”

“Grate! Well, here’s the thing, ya see Malcolm… nun of us understand it…” Trip explained.  
“I’m sorry?” The brit genuinely looked confused.  
“Cricket. We don’t understand it.” Travis admitted.  
“What? Cricket?”  
“Yeah.” Hoshi nodded.  
“You don’t understand cricket?”  
“Nope.”

“How can you not? It’s quite simple.” The armoury officer looked absolutely dumfounded at the revelation.  
“Well can you explain it to us then?” Travis smiled pleadingly. “Please?”  
“Of course, but it’ll have to be quick, I’m needed back to my armoury… I don’t like the idea of leaving my team alone… they get ideas…” He said looking like a teacher that was all too aware that they’d left a disruptive class unattended and just dreading what the state of the classroom would be in on his return.

“That cool, any explanation would be a big help.” Travis admitted.  
“Are you sure?” Malcolm seemed unsure, as if quick was properly not the right way to go.  
“Yep… go for it!” Trip chimed in cheerful. The dark haired man looked around at the group of eager and hopeful faces… and one not bothered Vulcan, and sighed.  
“Alright then, if you’re sure.” The Brit put his drink down on the table so he could use his hands to help emphasize his points. The others listened intently.

“Okay… Well, you have two sides, one out in the field… and one in,” He said slowly. “You all with me so far?” He asked. They all nodded. He took a deep breath and continued. “So… Each that is in the side that is in goes out, and when he’s out he comes in and the next man goes in until he is out, when a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man goes out and goes in.” 

When Malcolm paused to gauge the others reactions, he could of sworn he could hear bugs chirping, he was greeted with nothing but blank stares and silence. The Englishman smiled to himself, a mischievous glint in his grey eye’s and continued unperturbed. For the rest of the command crew… It went rapidly downhill from there…

“So when they are all out, the side that’s out comes in and the side that’s been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes, there are men still in and not out. There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. Then when both sides have been in and all the men are out, including those who are not out. Then the game is finished. See.” Malcolm Smiled, picking up his hot mug. “It’s simple!”

“Yeah… simple…” Hoshi repeated slowly, a slightly dazed look in her eyes.  
“Right, now I must dash. See you all later.” The Brit said with a far too cheerful smile and inclination of his head in farewell and exiting through the mess hall door.

The commanded crew sat in silence for a long, long moment.

“Did anyone… get… any of that?” Phlox asked at last.  
“Nooooo.” The two young officers chimed in unison.  
“He frazzled my brain!” Trip whined, pawing at his ears. “All the out’s and the in’s and the in’s and the out’s!”

<<>><<>><<>><<>>

Meanwhile Malcolm Reed had made his way back to his small office adjoining the armoury, ready to catch up on paperwork. He flipped on a padd and begun listening to the latest Ashes match between England and Australia. He sighed in contentment… before a devilish grin pulled at his lips and he sniggered evilly to himself… he loved screwing with his colleagues so much!


End file.
